Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I Like Awkward Palm Trees

Palin Update: I was right! While she didn't turn out to be a black albino, Palin's 17 year old daughter is pregnant.

Question of the Day: What day isn't the first day of the rest of your life?

School's starting in about a week and you guys know what that means (or don't): awkward hallway encounters. With surprising regularity, I find myself sharing a hallway with a lone other. That person isn't quite a friend, but also isn't some stranger person. So what's a man to do? Do I say hi? Do I tilt my chin upwards in a gangster fashion? Do I stare him down in a game of hallway chicken? No. I awkwardly avoid his gaze with one of the following techniques:

  • The Watch Check: It's the royal flush of avoidance trickery and pretty much the reason why I wear a watch every day. With the right timing, a Watch Check maneuver can be the perfect escape route from any encounter, be it student, teacher, or the janitorial staff.
  • The Fake Text: This one's a bit risky because there might be an unseen narc teacher around who's just itching to take away a happy child's phone *cough* SPIOTTO *cough*, but if pulled off with the right finesse, it can give you the concealment of the Watch Check while making you look more popular than you are.
  • The "I'm Lost" Techique: Only in desperation should one even attempt to pull off this Hudini of all hoaxes. Personally, I like to look backwards several times as though someone's following me. Every once in a while, I'll do a "It's nice outside" look through the window move, but it still seems pretty shady. Not the best.
Or you could just keep one of these in your pocket and take it out whenever there's an awkward moment. It'll be so cool, even your mama can't believe how cool it will be.

photo: alumroot

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