Saturday, August 9, 2008

I Like My Guitars Full of Sugar

Today is a good day I think to make lists on arbitrary topics.

How to eat sugar without looking weird:
Step 1: Decide if the container holding the sugar is in the form of a packet or a shaker.
Step 2: If it is in the form of a disposable packet, rip open the top corner about 1/8th of an inch.
Step 3: Pour sugar onto knife. Cover as much of the blade as possible.
Step 4: Carefully lift blade to mouth horizontally and lick off sugar from the blunt side of the bottom end to the sharp side of the top end
Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 until you have consumed the desired amount of sugar, are bleeding from the mouth, or are being yelled at by the other occupants of the table for being a creeper.

Side note: This is how I got the nickname Brown Sugar at Seed Academy.

I also tried to learn how to play guitar yesterday. While there are too many reasons why I enjoyed the experience for me to list them all, I will write down a few:
1. My fingers have formed calluses the size of Ryan Seacrest on Thanksgiving.
2. My inability to transition between the most basic of chords bring me a feeling of incompetence I have not felt since I tried to pick up up a hooker at a truck stop only to realize she was a man.
3. The number markings on guitar "tabs" look like grains of sand organized in such a way that makes it impossible for me to read all of them at the same time.

In other news: As I write this, the Republic is second in the medal race.

Korea FTW


  1. You can't eat sugar without looking weird. And you have never tried to pick up any hookers anywhere.
    BTW, those scribbles were crossing out my location, to keep meself safe. It would be kind of cool to have a scribblez shirt.