How to eat sugar without looking weird:
Step 1: Decide if the container holding the sugar is in the form of a packet or a shaker.
Step 2: If it is in the form of a disposable packet, rip open the top corner about 1/8th of an inch.
Step 3: Pour sugar onto knife. Cover as much of the blade as possible.
Step 4: Carefully lift blade to mouth horizontally and lick off sugar from the blunt side of the bottom end to the sharp side of the top end
Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 until you have consumed the desired amount of sugar, are bleeding from the mouth, or are being yelled at by the other occupants of the table for being a creeper.
Side note: This is how I got the nickname Brown Sugar at Seed Academy.
I also tried to learn how to play guitar yesterday. While there are too many reasons why I enjoyed the experience for me to list them all, I will write down a few:
1. My fingers have formed calluses the size of Ryan Seacrest on Thanksgiving.
2. My inability to transition between the most basic of chords bring me a feeling of incompetence I have not felt since I tried to pick up up a hooker at a truck stop only to realize she was a man.
3. The number markings on guitar "tabs" look like grains of sand organized in such a way that makes it impossible for me to read all of them at the same time.
In other news: As I write this, the Republic is second in the medal race.