Thursday, August 28, 2008

I Liked the 1988 Olympics Better

Olympics wrap-up:
  • China beats out the US in the gold medal count by a tremendous margin. Finds out too late that no one cares.
  • Usain Bolt dominates the 100 meter dash. Plans to run next 100 meter race backwards while yelling "NEENER NEENER."
  • Phelps wins 8 gold medals at the Olympics. Secedes from United States, forms his own country consisting solely of himself and ranks 10th in the gold medal count.
  • Korea sends the maximum of athletes (four) in Tae-Kwon-Do; everyone wins gold. 5th best Tae-Kwon-Doist skulks to himself in Korea.
  • Korea loses the gold in both women's and men's singles archery. Nation claims it does not hate the archers, merely disappointed.
  • Replay clearly shows that South Korea won the women's handball semifinals. Norwegians will not offer rematch as they are clearly assholes.
  • BMX included in the Olympics for the first time. NASCAR files petition claiming they are a sport as well.
  • Federer loses number one ranking. Still pretty damn good.
  • Modern Pentathlon. Enough said.
photo: tamaleaver

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