Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I Like Learning

School: Sometimes I worry about how I'm never stressed. It's kind of weird. Personally, I blame my unbridled optimism.

Food: What makes a certain food a breakfast item? Maybe I just don't understand because Korean people don't have breakfast foods. Personally, I'm a steak and eggs man myself.

Liquid Nitrogen: If you freeze a goldfish in liquid nitrogen (approx -195 degrees celsius), and unfreeze it, it might still be alive. That's pretty crazy.

Columbia Science Honors Program: Today, my Columbia Science Honors Program (Calculus in a Complex Plane) started and I'm incredibly worried that my class is going to be so confusing that I won't be able to understand any of it. Today was the first day, and I still had no idea what he was talking about. On the bright side, my class is taught by an actual professor (Allan Blaer) whereas most, if not all the other classes are taught by either TA's or grad students.

photo: buffalo

Monday, September 29, 2008

I Like Buffets That Don't Suck

I went to Minado for my birthday. For the uninitiated, Minado is a "sushi buffet" where they serve strange tasting raw fish and various unhealthy fried goods. It's also really expensive. A lunch there costs twenty dollars! I mean, I always feel ripped off whenever I go to buffets because the fat guy sitting at the table next to me is consuming a small cow while I eat a couple of string beans and sip on some water, but at Minado it's 20 times worse because I'm being ripped off by japanese people.

Minado Food: Their sushi has too much rice. Obviously, this is a clever cost-cutting trick: to get people to fill up on the cheap stuff and not the fish. I get around this by eating only the sashimi and throwing away the rice. In your face, Minado! Also, their ice cream and desserts section are sub par at best. The ice cream tasted bland and their various cakes were cut too small to be enjoyable.

Minado Service: Unacceptable. The stupid waitress took 20 minutes to get us back our check (I timed her).

I will never go to Minado again. Epic Fail!

Why can't they just have bigger cake?

photo: roboppy

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I Like Ignorance

Shoes: I don't buy new shoes because I don't have room on my shoe rack anymore. Maybe five is enough.

Muffins: Pina Colada muffins are the shit! I have no idea why they are not carried in every bakery across America. Next time you see a pina colada muffin, eat it. You can thank me later.

Note-Taking: The open-parenthesis looks too much like an uppercase C. Who's bright idea was this deal? Punctuation marks should never be made to look like letters! And forget about following the open parenthesis with an actual uppercase C. I say we should all switch to using brackets for everything.

Mist-You know when it's so cold outside that your breath turns into mist? As a child I always thought that happened because me and my friends were actually dragons. Later on, I learned that it was really just condensation. My point? Science ruined my childhood.

Speaking of Dragons: A dragonfly is like the suckiest form of dragon ever.

photo: casch52

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I Like Teams that Don't Suck

Recession: We're not in one, you guys! I hate how popular culture likes to talk about how the government won't "admit" that we're in a recession. Like these comedians, cartoonists, and actors know something that we don't and that the government just doesn't want to take responsibility. But the real reason that our government won't tell us we're in a recession is because we aren't. We've experienced a tremendous growth of 3.3% in the second quarter! Just goes to show you: liberals don't know jack.

On a brighter note: The Colts have a bye this weekend, so maybe when they come back, they won't suck so much.

Friday, September 26, 2008

I Like Nonverbal Communication

Things about me: I'm experiencing deja vu a lot recently. I'll just be sitting in class, and a teacher will say something that I distinctly remember him saying before. Was it just a mind hiccup or an error in the code?

Garfield: So... can Jon understand what Garfield is saying, or what?

Speaking of Garfield: Garfield minus Garfield is worth taking a look at.

Birthday Gifts: I don't understand in-family birthday gifts. Assuming that you consider family money to be communal, if you thought something was worth its price, wouldn't you have just bought it yourself? And if you didn't think it was worth the money, why would you be happy that someone else wasted your family's money on it?

Speaking of Gifts: Personally, I prefer buying people small things because it's usually cheaper. If you give them money, it should be at least a 20, but if you buy them an 8 dollar slingshot monkey, they'll think you're the bees knees.

photo: garfield minus garfield

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I Like Baked Goods

Pajamas: They're really comfortable, you guys! I am not sure why so many people do not wear them. They are not getting the full sleeping experience.

Big Brother: Apparently, the government can now see through walls. Yeah. Once they get this stuff on a satellite revolving around the globe, it'll be like Google Earth for inside your house! How do I feel about it? Totally friggin awesome! Personally, I think this technology is going to be the instigator for underground colonies, as people will be scrambling to avoid Big Brother's watchful eye. Scott Adams has a pretty nice one thought up over on his blog. Then again, maybe people will all live on barges. That way, they can escape taxes and see through technology. Google's already doing it.

Dumplings: European dumplings look delicious. Apparently, they are "sweetened dough wrapped around fruit, such as an apple, baked and served as a dessert." Sounds like a miniature pie to me. Mmmmmmmmm.... Pie....

I would eat this just to be able to say that I've had dumpling a la carte.

photo: ms tea

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Hey, Wait! I LIKE Wikipedia!

Toothbrush Update: That bent toothbrush I was talking about earlier is actually called Reach, and online, it doesn't look all that different. Maybe it's because my tv's bigger than my pc?

Things I Really Like: I really enjoy when people say "My computer won't let me..." because what they really mean is, "I'm so incredibly incompetent that I cannot get my computer to perform the simplest of tasks." This phrase is doubly funny when the person saying it is using a Mac.

Blog: Over to the right, on the sidebar, there's a lot of cool stuff. All of them are pretty self-explanatory, but there's one gadget that says "Talk to me". It's basically a meebo me widget and whenever I'm online, it tells you and you can instant message me. Also, if you see a message in the box from bacon chedda, it's from me. Obviously.

Roflcopter of the day:

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Jane Likes Hipsters Because She is One?

Jane loves to dance and listen to music and pretend to know everything. She is the author of the blog Shawty Talks and has filed her first guest post here.

Hello fellow TDNC readers. Bacon Chedda is busy with non work, even though I know that he is just playing video games and finishing his work in no time at all. He wants something funny, and what could be more humorous than HIPSTERS??


A hipster is commonly used as a derogatory word used towards the 18-30 year old crowd (some older ones, too. but they fail for trying too hard to be young and "hip") that dress in clothing from American Apparel (an overpriced store with plain hipster garb), Urban Outfitters ("trendy" hipster clothes place, also overpriced) , or thrift stores, and pretend to be artsy. Hipsters used to be few in number, but now hipsterism is considered trendy so there are hordes of hipsters populating cities, especially Brooklyn in New York City. They like to listen to pretentious indie rock bands you've never heard of. Most hipsters live off their parents' money and pursue their artistic talents, or lack there of. If you ask a hipster what they do for a living, they will most likely tell you he/she is in a band or is some sort of artist, and they will most likely suck at what they do. These are just the kind of people you just love to hate!

Basically, they are emaciated adults prancing around in ironic t-shirts and tight-ass jeans who listen to bands you have never heard of. And being nonchalant about it and denying it every step of the way.

Come to think about it.... doesn't this make ME a hipster? Of course, I don't deny the fact that I'm a hipster, so that means I'm not a hipster, by this definition. OOh, conundrum. People do call me a hipster sometimes. I don't mind too much.

A Vancouver hipster. Isn't he just adorable?

Me, trying to look emaciated.

"I listen to bands that don't even exist yet" (in my defense, a friend bought the shirt for me >.<)
Okay, now just camera-whoring.

Reading an intellectual book. Hipsters love doing that.

love, cakemaster

Jane breathes, eats, but doesn't sleep. You can see her usually plugged into her iPod or strumming her ukulele even though she isn't great at it (yet). In her free time she likes to read blogs and procrastinate on school work. AND that's a wrap. I love wraps.]

Monday, September 22, 2008

I Like Good Kickers

I've decided that every time I eat bonchon, I'm going to write about it on this blog. Yes. It's that damn good.

Adam Vinatieri: This guy sucks. He misses so many easy field goals that it's unbelievable.

4chan: Why so popular?

Clothes: So I've been using the random shirt selection method for a while now and I'm not sure whether it's all that preferable to just picking out a shirt from the top of the pile. On one hand, the random number generator is pretty sweet because I always feel like I'm playing the lotto, just hoping that I won't have to wear that old wrinkly shirt at the bottom of the pile. On the other hand, it gets kind of tedious on some days and the time it takes up really bites me in the ass when I'm late for school. Maybe I'll try alternating between the two methods?

photo: motivate yourself

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Like Birthdays. Especially Mine.

Today is my birthday, so instead of my daily musings, I will leave you all with a hilarious dinosaur comic. Click the comic to enlarge.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Like Whiteys Who Eat Our Food

Imagination Exercise: If people are this angry about foreigners taking away American jobs now, imagine how angry the colonists were once they started importing slaves.

Emoticons: My im client does this thing where if I type in something like :/, it will automatically change it to a smiley face. I find this very annoying.

Dog meat soup: It's illegal. Who knew?

Eating: Have you guys tried eating pizza with a fork and knife? It's pretty much better than sex.

Favorite Chicken Quote of the Day: "Bonchon Chicken... Is it the best fried chicken I've had? I didn't even mind the forty-minute wait, though now I know to call ahead, as the Koreans do. Get it with both sauces - soy and garlic, and hot --and be sure to ask for the kimchi." ~Marginal Revolution

Redundancy: The home button and the Facebook button on facebook both take me to the same place. Why?

On a related note: Facebook's live feed has brought me to a whole 'notha level of stalkerism.

Roflcopter of the Day:

Those goddamn water buffalo.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I Like Korean Television

Film: I am Sam is a good movie, I think.

Films on TV: Too many commercials! I remember when a 90 minute film would be two hours on tv. Now, it's 2 hours and 30 minutes. Thus, I have come to the conclusion that television is just ads with intervals of regular programming. In Korea, we don't even have ads during tv shows. It's true!

Knock-offs: champagne mustard tastes just like honey mustard. What's the deal, guys?

Awkward moment of the day: I was walking down the hallway today and my friend David was walking towards me from the other side. So, in a moment of manly greeting, I tilted my chin upwards as a sign of acknowledgment. But this crazy dude just keeps on walking. Then, after 3 and a half eons, the guy waves. Now, I'm in a state of mass confusion. Did he wave because he saw me or did he wave because he saw me doing the chin tilt? I don't know. Quickly, I contemplated my options. It was basic game theory. There were two variables with two outcomes each. If he saw the head tilt and I head tilted again, I would look like a desperate loser, but if I don't do the tilt and he hadn't seen me, I would look like an unfriendly bastard. To tilt or not to tilt? In the end, I couldn't make up my mind, so I kicked him in the nuts and ran away.

photo: ca_newsome

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I Like People Who Speak English

Politics: McCain is beating Obama where it matters. (At least, he was when I wrote this post. I don't know about now. Maybe you're reading this and it's the year 2010, Obama has won, and the world is already being ruled by monkeys. Maybe you are the monkey ruler and none of this matters to you because all you care about are bananas and peanuts. My point is, I just don't know.)

Mexicans: Today I went to a local deli with Sara and there was a mexican guy at the counter. Now, I'm one of those people that like to ask the deli people to recommend me a food item, but this is really hard when they don't speak English. So instead of getting a delicious and highly recommended sandwich, I had to go through the painstaking process of making my own. For the uninitiated, ordering a sandwich at a deli is slightly more complicated than multivariable calculus. But being the brave man that I am, I ordered a turkey, lettuce, champagne mustard, and some cheese I'd never heard of and can't remember. The sandwich was terrible and the bread was too hard, so in a less than manly maneuver, I ended up trading half of my hero for Sara's cucumber salad. Moral of this story? Do not hire english-impaired workers if you own a deli.

Salad is for girly men.
photo: Laurel Fan

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I Like End of the World Theories

Illegal Activity is Good: I was listening to the radio today, and in the traffic report, the guy says, "Everyone's moving at the speed limit or better." Assuming that by better, he meant that the cars were moving faster than the speed limit, is he implying that breaking the law is better than not breaking the law?

Sleeping: So I went to sleep yesterday at 4 pm and woke up today at 6 am. I'm not sure how to feel about it?

The top of my facebook page has two links: profile and Bacon Chedda. Both of them take me to the exact same place. What's the deal, Zuckerberg?

Econ: this is what I wrote for my AP economics homework. The assignment was to write about a "current event topic and its economic impact.":

As the large hadron collider gets closer and closer to fully functioning, I assume that people will try to sell whatever they have invested their money in (e.g. houses, stocks, bonds) and that their prices will drop spectacularly in such a flooded market. The reasoning is simple: investments are useless if the world is going to end in a couple of months. Prices of veblen goods, however, will skyrocket as people who previously thought a luxury car was out of their price range now have turned whatever assets they owned into cash.

All your base are belong to us

photo: Image Editor

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I Like Birds Flying High

Happy Days: When I was walking out to my car this morning, a flock of about 70 birds flew about 10 feet above my head and none of them crapped on my head! I'm not sure if expecting to get showered in bird droppings is pessimistic behavior or just realistic, but I am sure that today was a damn good day.

Birds: All they do is make your car dirty. I share in Adams' hope that one day global warming will become so intense that birds will spontaneously combust into balls of flame.

English: This is the only class where the teacher will give me homework assignments about something he hasn't taught yet. I ended up having to look through the internet tubes for all my answers! It was bonkers.

If anyone cares: I'm trying my best to keep updating this blog daily, but the chinese finger trap that is public education is crushing my will to live and devouring my free time, so I'm considering adding a second writer to this blog. You know. If you care.

picture: Fort Photo

Monday, September 15, 2008

I Like Card Games

Things you didn't know: A Korean version of the exacto knife is pretty much standard for most Korean elementary school students. You know... because sometimes it's too much trouble to use scissors. Actually, when I grew up in Korea, I never did use my knife for any type of schoolwork. Sometimes, I carved penises onto my desk, but that was pretty much it.

Webcams: I'm so lazy when it comes to putting on a shirt that when someone wants video chat while I'm mostly naked, I just turn off the lights. You might think it's crazy, but it works.

Necronomicon: Lately, I've been wasting my time on this game. It's not because it's fun, but really because I like winning. I think any game that presents me with a challenge that I can easily overcome is a pretty good game. If you've played mtg, this game should be extremely easy for you, just remember that there is no such thing as direct card advantage here because the cards replace themselves.

The knives look like the one pictured here, but smaller.

picture: japan probe

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I Like Lesser X-Men

Taste buds: Food tastes better when it's chewed from the left side of my mouth. What's up with that?

Mary Beth Norton: Her textbooks suck. Do not buy them.

VHS AP ECON: I like VHS because the homework's always due on Tuesday, so I always spend Tuesday night doing an entire week's reading and homework...

Cavity update: My filling fell out, you guys! I think I should sue for dental malpractice. I didn't even know it could fall out.

X-Men: We always hear about the really good x-men like cyclops and wolverine, but what about the mutants who have slightly lesser powers? What about the x-man who was born without an appendix? Sure, he doesn't sound important now, but when appendix infection man invades the academy and everyone's doubled over in pain because of their ruptured appendixes, the guy with no appendix is gonna save the day. Not all mutants can have crazy ice powers...

On an unrelated note: Colts have embarrassed me last week. They better do well today.

Their mutations? Claws for hands.

photo: Dunechaser

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I Like Sam

Spore came out today and it looks pretty interesting. Apparently, if you have a connection to the internets, then your planet will be populated by other people's creatures. Considering the abundance of penis and boobs shaped creatures (appropriately called sporn), I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. On one hand, it would be interesting to attack a colony of giant penis monsters, but on the other hand, it would be humiliating to be attacked by a colony of giant penis monsters. Personally, my favorite spore creature is the one with a small penis and big nuts. I can't believe this game got an E rating.

On the subject of gaming: Serious Sam is still the best game I've ever played. Croteam's Serious engine lets you mow down literally hundreds of enemies over the course of five minutes without dropping frame rates and the levels are stunningly huge as well. Sam also has the greatest quotes ranging from "LOOK, MA! I'M A LUMBERJACK!" when he gets his first chainsaw to "Double the gun, double the fun." Even though the game is about 6 years old, I recommend it to anyone who has yet to play it. Absolute blast.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I Like Madangsui (Finally)

I knew I was gonna like the Korean grill Madangsui when I walked in and Bell Biv Devoe's Poison was pumping through the speakers. Not to mention that there were nuns sitting on the table across from us. This might have been the strangest Korean restaurant I've ever been to since that place that only sells tofu.

My group ordered the marinated beef over rice and some spicy grilled pork. It was the lunch menu so the two items cost 20 dollars together. They had the banchan regulars: fish cake, steamed eggs, spicy lettuce, muk, and of course, kimchi. The banchan was okay, nothing special.

Spicy grilled pork: It was pretty hot. The pork had a nice texture and was soft without being too fatty. I didn't like how they put so many random vegetables in the dish, as I expected to be eating animals, not plants. And a lot of oil collected at the bottom of the pan, which was largely unpleasant. But other than that, it was pretty okay. rating:7/10

Marinated beef over rice: The ingredients were mixed over a grill in front of us, which seems pretty standard for Korean grills. Once again, the dish had too many vegetables. I was especially hateful of the pumpkins in the rice. Seriously. What's the deal with Korean people and pumpkins? Pumpkins do not go into everything! The dish was also overly spicy and I often found myself reaching for my ice water. I was sweating like a Chinese miner by the time I finished the meal. Rating:6.5/10

Overall, this restaurant is pretty okay and I recommend it.

Korean people

picture: erriek

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Like Expensive Time Management Classes

As a high school junior, I often lounge around the house doing nothing but playing video games and eating Korean food. However, once a blue moon, I have a week with 20 tests, 5 projects, and an SAT. In these cases, I like to get myself organized and take care of everything. Or cry myself to sleep. Both work pretty well.

Google Calendar-I've only been using it for a couple of days, but adding events is pretty easy and having all my tests, appointments, activities in one place is pretty convenient.

Small notepad-Ever since I started the blog, I've been carrying around a small notepad to jot down things in and it's pretty okay. I tend to have a lot of stuff I need to tell to a lot of people, so I usually write all of those things down in my notepad. If you're like me and you forget everything all the time, the notepad's a lifesaver.

Excessive Work-By assigning yourself more work than you can do, you automatically make prioritization not only a tool, but a necessity. I found this out sophomore year during wrestling season when I learned that not doing my homework didn't really matter. With excessive amounts of work, you'll see that you do a lot of stuff in your life that's mostly unnecessary.

Or you could always just cry yourself to sleep.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I Like Not Going to the Dentist

You guys! I just came back from the dentist and I had my cavity removed and the hole filled with amalgam (that silver stuff)!!! The worst part is, I did it without any anesthetic!

I was not a happy camper.

What is all that laughing gas stuff you see on tv and how come my dentist doesn't have that? All he has are anesthetics that come from big needles and have to injected into your gums. Maybe the laughing gas is a myth. Maybe it doesn't exist and popular media is just pulling one big prank. Either way, needles suck.

My favorite part about my trip to the dentist was how they had some silver decorations wrapped around the arm of the lamp they shine into your mouth. Maybe it's just me, but getting your teeth drilled by a guy with festive decorations on his lamp seems kind of like getting your plumbing done by a guy who has spongebob stickers on his plunger.

And what's the deal with those tiny packs of toothpaste they give you? Who actually uses that microscopic tube? It's too small for everyday use and too big to be considered travel size. Absolute bonkers if you ask me.

I would add more to this entry, but my teeth are slowly destroying my will to live.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I Like Teams that Don't Suck So Much

Toothpaste Update: If you squeeze from the bottom to extract the paste instead of the middle, the tube works so much better. For one thing, you don't have to waste all your time squeezing the leftover content of your tube before throwing it out. Also, if you squeeze out too much by accident, releasing your grip will suck the excess toothpaste back into the tube.

What if the Onion News Network was an actual cable news network. How absolutely insane would that be? I think a lot of people wouldn't know that the news was fake.

Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

Speaking of football: Colts had a very disappointing game on Saturday. Manning sucked, Harrison sucked, Wayne sucked, Addai sucked, offensive line sucked, and that guy who replaced Jeff Saturday sucked as well. In all seriousness, I'm not even sure why everyone showed up if they were just going to lose. The Colts are arguably one of top three teams in football right now (the other two being Pats and Chargers, though we'll have to see what happens to the Pats without Brady), and it's absolutely unacceptable to be beaten by such a terrible team like the Bears.

Monday, September 8, 2008

I Like Single Door Apartments

Toothbrush Update: I saw a commercial on tv for a toothbrush that was bent in such a way that the head and the shaft formed a 120 degree angle. The commercial showed a guy who was brushing his teeth and found it difficult to reach certain places, but I don't see how a bent head is going help him reach. Seriously. What the hell is that about?

Good way to pick out an outfit to wear: label all your clothes with a number and use a random number generator. I haven't tried this yet, but I will be starting this routine tomorrow, so I'll tell you guys how it works out.

Energy Independence: What's the big deal? I can't think of a single country in the galaxy that has accomplished complete energy independence. Getting our energy from foreign countries at a cheaper price puts more cash in the pockets of American people.

Doors: The entrance to my house has two doors. One is a regular door made of wood and the other is like a screen door except it's made of glass. This makes me wonder: why the hell is there a second door? Is it because it's too easy to get out of the house through one door? Did the architect want me to have trouble escaping his death trap of a house? It is the Pepperidge Farm of entranceways: there are two layers of wrapping to get to the fancy bread that is my house.

My door looks kind of like this, but less opaque and without people having sex right against it all the time.

photo: wajakemek

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I Like Cable Television

Cho Sho: As my regular readers know, I am a fervent Korean nationalist. However, I still think the Cho Sho sucks. It's just a bunch of gay people and a midget talking to a fat Korean lady. Her standup isn't that good either. By the way, if you guys want to know which 5 minute clip I am judging the entire series on, it is the first section of the show about a beauty pageant.

GM Employee Discount: The commercial says that everyone gets to pay what the employees pay, but I think it just means that the employees have to pay what everyone else has to pay. Ripoff.

Dane Cook: What can I say about the man that hasn't been said already? Everybody knows that he's talentless, boring, and about as mature as a two year old. Just today, I was watching his stand-up and he spent about 30 minutes using the same joke I heard him tell 5 years ago. Yeah. The one where he says God bless you to an atheist? Who has not heard that joke? The man is an embarrassment to stand-up comedy.

Girls Next Door: Is it just me or is anyone else wondering how annoyed Hugh Hefner gets by the dumbass Playboy bunnies? Hefner seems like a mildly intelligent guy and he spends what must be most of his time surrounded by some of the most ignorant people I have ever seen. So, Hugh Hefner, if you're reading this, pay close attention. I am offering to switch lives with you right now or as soon as humanly possible. If I can just make one person happy, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

I Like Telling People What to Do

So one thing people always want to know is how to get into the Columbia Science Honors Program. Well, it's not that hard. Basically, if you like math or science and you're halfway decent, you'll probably get in.

application: just fill it out. Can't help you there.

essay: Basically, you use this to show how much you like science and how good you are at it. I didn't want to sound braggy so I only mentioned my important awards like #1 in school, nationwide, blah blah blah, but I also wrote about my research project in nanobiotechnology which won me some awards and also showed my interest in a specific topic. But I hear the essay doesn't really matter too much, so as long as you don't mess it up too bad, you should be fine.

Recommendation: I don't think this matters that much. Instead of getting one from my chem or calculus teacher, I got it from my AP stats teacher instead. None of my teachers like me, so I was screwed whoever I chose. This doesn't matter much either.

Test: This one is probably the most important part of your acceptance. Lucky for you, the test is also ridiculously easy. If you can get at least 100 on AMC-12, the math part should be a joke for you. It's basically simple geometry and trigonometry with a small amount of probability. There's nothing even close to even AIME level math. Science part is mostly common sense, but reviewing circuits won't hurt you. I got all the circuit problems wrong because I couldn't remember freshman physics...

All in all, the CSHP is a really easy program to get into if you want to get in. I think the test is so easy that if you just review basic science concepts and a little geometry, you can't help but get a hundred. Then again, if you're lazy like me, you'll probably walk into the test room without even knowing what's on the test and do perfectly fine.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

I Like Junk Food.

So, my favorite part about going to the beach is that I get to eat lots and lots of terrible terrible food. Last weekend, I brought along a bag of the ever famous Pirate's Booty and some "NEW!" Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos.

Pirate's Booty: The package says that it's "good for you!" Suure. Reminds me of Bon Chon's similar claims to health supremacy. Nevertheless, the snack is light enough that you can probably eat the whole bag in one sitting without much problems. It's kind of like cheese puffs, but better because it doesn't leave your fingers orange. My only complaint is that it sometimes gets stuck in the crevasses of your teeth and are a pain to get out. Personally, my favorite way to eat Pirate Booty is by tilting the bag towards my mouth and using my tongue to get out two or three puffs at a time.

Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos: I'll be the first to admit that I am not a fan of most Doritos, despite what Stephen Colbert may want me to think. However, the spicy sweet chili chips are pretty okay. The flavor reminds me of the spicy barbecue flavor that Korean snacks have and is not like any of the American junk food I have tried: tangy with a mild spice. While the chips don't really taste much like chili, I guess you can buy your own chili and dip the chips in them. That would crazy. I think I would do it, just so I could call my mom and tell her I was eating spicy sweet DOUBLE chili doritos. Hell yes. Rating: 934/823pi

Eating. I does it wrong.

Friday, September 5, 2008

I Like Seth Rogen

Politics: Adam Brickley (pictured below), a part-time Seth Rogen impersonator, is apparently responsible for the nomination of Sarah Palin. His profile says he has an interest in "fighting socialism", which makes me wonder whether the word fighting is being used as an adjective or verb. Perhaps he enjoys the a certain subsection of socialism that also enjoys fighting. It would be like fight club, but for socialists only.

Thoughts on Dr. Pepper: It sucks.

On a slightly unrelated note: Go COLTS!!! YEAH!

You guys! I went to a dentist today and he was all, "You have a cavity." Of course, I didn't get it drilled because maybe he's just trying to take my money. Even if he isn't, what's the false positive rate on this type of thing? I don't want him to be removing parts of my teeth if there's a large chance he could be wrong.

All you people look alike.

photo: slate

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I Like Short Round

Freakonomics says a child's name does not matter: Fatty Tubbs Jones proves otherwise.

ABC reports McCain was nicknamed "McNasty" for his bad temper: McLovin sues.

Short Round: Funny name. Funny guy.

Favorite Short Round quote: "Hey, Lady, you call him Dr. Jones!"

Speaking of Short Round: Top round steak. I'm not a fan. Eating it reminds me of Cow and Chicken (the show, not the animals).

Speaking of Cow and Chicken: That was a good show.

Barron's Update: I don't like the scale that the Barron's SAT book uses. It's by hundreds, so if I get two questions wrong on the reading section, the Barron's tells me that my score is somewhere from 700-800. Personally, I think it could be even more ambiguous. The book is not living up to its full ambiguity potential. It is an under-achiever in the ambiguous column. Why not just have the score range be from 200-800? Dumbasses.

Hermit Cookies: I do not have a frame of reference to which I can compare these cookies. However, if all hermit cookies taste like the ones I had from Whole Foods, I can tell you they all suck.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I Like Sammitches

Whole Foods: It's a nice store. Obama likes it. Personally, I recommend the "healthy" junk food there. It has all the fun of eating diarrhea causing food, with none of the guilt! Here is what I think of their food.

Double Honey Mustard Turkey Sandwich: I did not see a single honey mustard turkey sandwich available, which led me to wonder with what credentials a sandwich could be considered double honey mustard. But faulty food naming aside, the sandwich was not excellent. Personally, I hold turkey with lettuce, tomato, and mayo as the measuring stick for all turkey sandwiches and the double honey mustard was significantly worse. Now, I like honey mustard as much as the next guy and I even have some in my house, but bite of the honey mustard absolutely destroyed the mild flavor of the turkey. And for some reason, the sandwich was pressed and grilled. Why? If I wanted a panini, I would have ordered one! Absolute ridiculousness. Rating: 2.2496/10

I'll show you double mustard.

Philly Cheesesteak Panini: This turd of a sandwich was pressed and grilled in the exact same way that my double honey mustard turkey was: not very well. Also, the steak slices were too thick and hard, the onion content was lacking, and the cheese was lackluster at best. And the steak slices tasted more like roast beef and less like top round. Rating: 8.123834/7834

It was like this, except in panini form.

Tuna Melt Panini: These guys make everything into paninis. This is literally the first time I've seen a tuna melt panini. Personally, I like my tuna melts with soft and thin bread, but this tuna melt was on ciabatta. Crazy? I think yes. Other than that, the tuna melt wasn't terrible. I've found tuna melts to be fairly consistent wherever I order it from. Watch out for the mercury content.

Larry David likes tuna.

photo: panduh, navin75, mellowfood

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I Like Awkward Palm Trees

Palin Update: I was right! While she didn't turn out to be a black albino, Palin's 17 year old daughter is pregnant.

Question of the Day: What day isn't the first day of the rest of your life?

School's starting in about a week and you guys know what that means (or don't): awkward hallway encounters. With surprising regularity, I find myself sharing a hallway with a lone other. That person isn't quite a friend, but also isn't some stranger person. So what's a man to do? Do I say hi? Do I tilt my chin upwards in a gangster fashion? Do I stare him down in a game of hallway chicken? No. I awkwardly avoid his gaze with one of the following techniques:

  • The Watch Check: It's the royal flush of avoidance trickery and pretty much the reason why I wear a watch every day. With the right timing, a Watch Check maneuver can be the perfect escape route from any encounter, be it student, teacher, or the janitorial staff.
  • The Fake Text: This one's a bit risky because there might be an unseen narc teacher around who's just itching to take away a happy child's phone *cough* SPIOTTO *cough*, but if pulled off with the right finesse, it can give you the concealment of the Watch Check while making you look more popular than you are.
  • The "I'm Lost" Techique: Only in desperation should one even attempt to pull off this Hudini of all hoaxes. Personally, I like to look backwards several times as though someone's following me. Every once in a while, I'll do a "It's nice outside" look through the window move, but it still seems pretty shady. Not the best.
Or you could just keep one of these in your pocket and take it out whenever there's an awkward moment. It'll be so cool, even your mama can't believe how cool it will be.

photo: alumroot

Monday, September 1, 2008

I Like a Good Breakfast

This morning, my parents thought it would be a good idea to have breakfast with some of our family friends. Why breakfast? I don't know. They're weird.

I put up a couple of suggestions including the Palmer's Crossing and the diner, but they were rejected in favor of a Korean restaurant called Ganmiyuk. It was a 24 hour restaurant, which was reminiscent of that one Spongebob episode where the miserly Mr. Krabs decides to keep the Krusty Krab open for 24 hours and the entire staff goes mentally insane. I mean, really. Why would they need to be open 24 hours (Ganmiyuk, not the Krusty Krab)? Who comes into a Korean restaurant at 3 in the morning demanding kimchee and rice? Nevertheless, this was the only Korean restaurant open at the time and we decided to eat there. The atmosphere was fine, but their wooden seats were terrible. Apparently, the seats were supposed to be replicas of old tree stumps with cracks and everything. But I have to ask, who has ever sat at a restaurant and said, "I wish this chair was shaped more like a tree stump. That way, there will be no support for my back, no cushions for my pooper, and it will be impossible to move the stumps into a comfortable position."

Long story short, I had a creeper ox bone rice and noodle soup in the creeper restaurant with the creeper stump seats and it sucked. According to Wikipedia, the soup, called Seolleongtang, was designed in Korea during rough times to feed as many people on as small a budget as possible during a time of famine. So why are we eating it now? My dad's a lawyer! WE'RE RICH PRICKS, NOT BEGGARS IN EIGHTH CENTURY KOREA. Those guys ate tree bark and pooped in holes, and I do not trust the culinary ability of a bark eating hole pooper. And another thing: my soup was nine dollars! Who charges nine dollars for rice and water? Nine dollars is a barbecue chicken panini with caesar salad at the diner. Ganmiyuk Rating: 2.16 thumbs down.

On a brighter note: I saw a chiropractor named Dr. Angrist. Most ridiculous doctor name since Dr. Acula? I think yes.

Nine dollars, my ass!

photo: smokehard