Friday, October 31, 2008

I Like Fusion. HA!

Saw 5: How sadistic do you have to be to enjoy this movie? Seriously. It's not even scary, it's just violent.

Asian Fusion: Do you know what goes well with pizza? Rice. Rice and pizza is pretty amazing. There is nothing like sticky rice and a meatlover's pizza for breakfast.

Speaking of Fusion: Kimchi and toast is delcious. I used to actually really like this a lot more than I do now, but it's still pretty good. The spicy kimchi serves as a nice contrast to the rather bland toast.

ASIAN ROFLCOPTA:

photo: demonsoul 16

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Like I's

Irrational Hatred: I hate people who wear ragged gray running shoes every day. It makes me want to Falcon Punch them in the face.

Internal Clock: I'm usually very sleepy from around 11:30 to 12:00, but if I make it past twelve without dozing off, I can usually stay up for as long as I want. It's kind of strange.

Imagination: It should be promoted in school. Everyone already promotes creativity and imagination is only a hop jump and a skip away.

Illegal Aliens: What's the big deal? I would understand if overpopulation was a problem, but as long as illegal aliens pay their taxes, they contribute just as much to the economy as the next foreigner.

Falcon Punch: Is there anything it can't do?

photo: encyclopedia dramatica

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Like Urinating


Urination: Choosing which urinal to use can be a pretty tough decision. There's so many different factors to consider and it can easily get overwhelming. But do not be daunted; Bacon Chedda is here to help you wade through the crap about urinals.

The Urinal Buffer: It is standard bathroom etiquette to allow a urinating man at least one urinal to his left and one urinal to his right. Otherwise, it's just kid of creepy. Note: this rule can be ignored if there is a divider between urinals.

Wall Urinals: Typically, in a five urinal bathroom, there will be one urinal that is right next to the wall and another that is right next to a stall. Personally, I feel claustrophobic having to pee with a wall right next to my face, but if you're the type that enjoys privacy this could actually be a plus. The most important thing is to know yourself.

Law of Increasing Urine: There is an inverse relationship between the distance of a urinal from the door and the nastiness of the urinal. The reasoning is fairly simple: urgent peers just rush through the door and pee at the nearest urinal. So if you're not in much of a hurry, then feel free to place higher value on the urinals furthest from the door.

The Alternative: Some people pee in stalls. As an environmentalist, I condemn this giant waste of water, but hey, if you want to be a girly-man, go for it.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I Like Nazi Sushi Makers

Sushi Nazi: The Wall Street Journal had a nice piece on sushi bullies yesterday. These sushi "bullies" look harmless but let's play some word association, shall we?

Sushi Bullies->Sushi Nazis->World War III

So you've heard it here first, folks. The Japanese sushi bullies are only a hop, skip, and a jump away from starting the next Great War, so we've got to nip them in the bud. I'll be the first to admit that I may be wrong, but can we really take that chance?

Football: That does it. The Colts are officially the most lackluster team I have ever seen and they can all suck it because I'm going to burn all of my Colts stuff.

Also: I can haz youtoob customization?

Monday, October 27, 2008

I Like Embedded Commenting (do you?)

In case you haven't noticed: The blog has embedded commenting now, to make your lives easier. Here's what the Blogspot people have to say about it:

The embedded comment form is more convenient for your readers because they can use it to post a comment immediately, without clicking over to a different page. It also looks better, since it matches your blog’s style and colors.

So basically, instead of having to comment by opening a new window, you can comment straight from the blog post! Enjoy?

Side Note: I usually try to reply to whatever comments you guys leave me, so if you want to be notified about my replies, you can click the "Email follow-up comments to" box.

Roflcopout of the Day:

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I Like Barbershops

Bugs: You guys, I was about to drink my water today and there was a dead bug in my cup. It was kind of freaky and now I'm scared to drink my water without looking in the cup first.

Haircuts: I get my hair cut at a barbershop because I'm not a girly-man and it's pretty much the bomb. I sometimes go to hair salons when I'm too busy, but barbershops always just blow them right out of the water. And always opt for the shave. You haven't lived until you let another man put a giant blade to your face.

You Chun Naengmyeon: They suck! I ordered fried dumplings, they burnt it to the point where it was no longer edible, and they still charged me. Worst of all, no one acted like anything was wrong! Also, their mul naengmyeon was too salty and spicy and did not deliver the strong beef brothy flavor that Korean flavor is known for. I am never going back there again. Terrible service and terrible food.

Even this homemade naengmyeon beats You Chun

photo: churl

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I Like Beatbox/Politics Posts

Obamaniacs: Who's more likely to riot? Blacks after McCain wins or whites after Obama wins? Black people. Both the polls and the prediction markets attribute a significant lead in Obama's camp. Let's say he maintains this lead going into election day and McCain wins. If I was a black man, I would lose all faith in the electoral system and possibly start rioting. However, if Obama wins, it wouldn't be much of a shocker to anyone and whites would have to acknowledge that the Democrats are now the new Republicans.

Beatbox of the Day:

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Like Labeled Floors

High School: My high school has two floors. The first floor staircase entry has signs that say "Floor 1" and the second floor has signs that say "Floor 2". You know, just in case anyone with a severe case of Alzheimer's just climbed up the stairs and forgot that this was a two story building. Good thinking, Mr. Architect Who Designed My School.

McCain: He whistles his "s" sounds and it really annoys me. I will vote for Obama just so that I never have to hear his whistling again.

ROFLCOPOUT of the Day

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I Like Seeing These Ice Creams

Facebook: Any male who posts a shirtless picture of himself on facebook with no intention of humor should be flogged, tarred, and feathered, in that order.

Things that look better than they taste: Yogurt Parfait. A cup of creamy white yogurt mixed with fruit and granola makes me think it's going to be delicious, but it always ends up being a waste of four dollars. I don't understand. I like fruit. I like yogurt. I like granola. I hate parfait. The strangest part is that I know they're bad, and I still keep buying them hoping that the one I'm buying will be better than the last.

Ice Cream Parfaits: Loads better than yogurt parfait. PINKBERRY, MUCH?

Clockwise from top left: Kimchi parfait, wasabi parfait, one liter parfait, curry parfait. I kid you not.

photo: tokyo knock

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Like "A Day at the Pool: Remembrances of a Straight Boyhood"

This is my satire on Bernard Cooper's A clack of tiny sparks: Remembrances of a gay boyhood. You need to have read the essay for my piece to make sense. Enjoy?

“Girls are icky,” Ralph Johnson proudly declared. He had just finished throwing handfuls of dirt still wet from last night’s rain at the group of girls across the playground and was now balancing himself on top of the gigantic jungle gym. Sturdy and boisterous and gap-toothed, Ralph was my best buddy and blessed with tremendous athletic prowess. It was even rumored that he had once crossed the monkey bars, going two at a time.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be picking on girls so much,” I apprehensively suggested while timidly watching his balancing act from the safety of the bottommost rung. Unlike Ralph, I was clumsy and lacked the hand-eye coordination to be good at anything worth being good at. Ralph was like a mentor to me; I emulated him in the belief that being seen with him, being like him, would somehow turn me into the coolest kid in the cul-de-sac.

Squinting his eyes and sticking out his tongue in disgust, he yelled, “EWWWW! What are you, a girl lover?” His voice was full of repulsion for the other sex and his tone, accusatory. I was stunned. “No!” I quickly blurted out, with too much defensiveness, too much transparent fear in my response. I knew the truth.

Only days before, I was swimming with a girl. Gracie Peterson sat behind me in Mr. Johnson’s class. She had smooth, hairless legs, a smile that popped under the accentuation of her lip gloss, and a long, flowing curtain of silky orange hair that seemed almost too perfect to be real.

Exactly how we became such good friends was unclear. She was the kind of girl who wore Sailor Moon scrunchies in her hair and I was the type of guy who collected Pokemon cards. I think our first conversation was when she tapped me on my narrow shoulder with her shiny pink nails and asked what “four plus seven” was. “Eleven,” I had replied.

And now we were swimming together on a play date. The instant Gracie shot from the pool, shaking water from her orange hair, freckled shoulders shining, my attraction to members of the other sex became a matter I could no longer suppress or rationalize.

But I knew what happened to girl lovers. They were shunned by boys for their betrayal and unable to find a niche in the unwelcoming female community of Barbie dolls and miniature ovens. They were outcasts of society to be shamed and mocked.

That’s why no one could know about Gracie and me.

Gracie dog-paddled through the deep end, spouting a fountain of chlorinated water. Despite shame and confusion, my longing for her hadn’t diminished; it continued to thrive, locked away in the deepest chambers of my heart. In the name of play, I splashed the clear blue water at her glistening face, and her orange hair shined brightly in the sun, a flame that couldn’t be doused.


I’ve lived with a woman for seven years. Some nights, when I’m half-awake and I can’t fall back asleep, I reach out to touch the expanse of her back, and I feel the pleasure radiating from her every tiny crevasse.
I have few regrets. But one is that I hadn’t said to Ralph, “Maybe I am a girl lover.” Perhaps I would have been able to pursue a more open relationship with Gracie. Imagine how realistic our games of “house” would have been.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I Like Winning Debates


As the top ranked debater in my league, people always ask me how to win debates. Usually, I ignore them and move on with my life, but I figure I will provide full disclosure and tell everyone here.

How to win a debate (in high school):

Intimidate your opponents.

The best way to win a debate is by throwing the other team off their game. This can be done in a myriad of ways. Personally, I do it by being Asian and well-dressed because there is nothing more intimidating than a well-dressed Asian debater. Especially if the judge is Asian too. If you don't have access to nice clothes or Asian genes, I suggest you try carrying a giant stack of papers/books. People will think you mean business.

photo: Jon Person

Monday, October 20, 2008

I Like to Double Her Entendre

Peanut Butter Time: Organic peanut butter is pretty sucky. Apparently, they're not allowed to add the stuff that keeps the oil and peanut butter together, so you have to mix in the oil yourself. I do not need an extra step between me and peanut butter. FAIL.

Internets: What exactly happened to AOL? They used to send me free cds for me to throw away, but now they don't.

Anachronisms: I was reading E.B. White's Once More to the Lake and there was a sentence that read, "I watched him his hard little body, skinny and bare, saw him wince slightly as he pulled up around his vitals the small, soggy, icy garment. As he buckled the swollen belt suddenly my groin felt the chill of death." Ewwww.

Peyton Manning is an embarrassment.

Nothing like peanut butter on a burger! MMMMmmmm~

photo: misterbisson

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I Like Bloomin' Onions

Summary of every Dragon Ball plot-line ever written:

1. There's a bad guy(s).

2. The good guys can't beat the bad guy(s).

3. One of the good guys gets stronger.

4. Good guys beat the bad guy(s).

alternate ending: the bad guy joins the good guys.

I can't. It's... it's just too easy.

photo: Clow Wizard Eirol

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I Like Comedians That Aren't Boring

PSAT's: I have it today!

College: For the statistics, I think colleges should list the percentage of self-reported gay men and women. This seems like it would be important information for anyone who is gay, looking for diversity in a college campus, or is homophobic. Everyone wins.

Sandwiches: Ham is a pretty sucky cold cut.

Stand-up: George Lopez is the most arrogant comic I have ever seen. To close his HBO special he talks to his audience about how he is the "American Dream" and that he's now on the Hollywood walk of fame. What an embarrassment to the Latino American community.

Two please.
photo: James Wells

Friday, October 17, 2008

I Like Cold Stones


Ice Cream: The best place to get ice cream is most definitely Coldstone Creamery. Hands down. For the people who have never been to this Magic Ice Cream Wonderland, Coldstone is an ice cream shoppe where the server will actually crush a "mix-in" into your ice cream. That way, when you eat your ice cream, your jimmies will be spread evenly throughout your ice cream instead of being all concentrated at the top. It's pretty awesome. And as an added bonus, they have to sing if you tip them!

Best Ice Cream: Sweet cream and Butterfinger mix-in! Coconut is a close runner up though.

photo: jidnet

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Like Nannies

Popular Culture: I was watching the show Nanny 911 today and I realized that the nannies on that show are really judgmental. The British lady was all "He shouldn't be letting the children ride on that 3-wheeler. That's dangerous!" If one of those ladies bossed me around like that, I would be a man about it and kick her out of my house.

Other show: The Pickup Artist isn't too bad of a show. I watched about 10 minutes of the first episode and I thought it was interesting that they had a gay guy on the show who didn't know he was gay. I am sure hilarity will ensue.

Bonchon Update: I had Bonchon today and it was good.

The real nanny 911

photo: clarity

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I Like Turkeys

Writer's Strike: You guys remember the writer's strike? You know, the one that canceled all your favorite programming and left you bored out of your mind? Yeah. What happened? As far as I know, no one reached a deal on anything, really. According to this guy, the result was a "shit deal". Nice going, writer's guild. You've made America just a little bit worse. I hope you're happy.

Chunky Peanut Butter: It feels too much like I'm eating peanuts. It annoys me. I'm going to buy smooth from now on.

Sandwiches: Turkey with Pepper Jack is pretty win. I had one for the first time at Starbucks and I feel as though I have been missing out.

Speaking of Turkeys: Why aren't there cold cuts made of chicken? It's basically the same thing as turkey.

Turkey on velvet FTW!

photo: fd

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I Like Artery Clogging Sandwiches

Pride: So today, I was eating lunch at this Korean place and the people sitting at the table across from us were all Korean War Veterans and they were all talking about how they killed a bunch of pinkos during the war. It was a proud moment as I vicariously experienced the hardships of war until I remembered that I myself might not be going into the Korean army (all Korean males have to go, but people who live overseas are exempt). Maybe I should reconsider. Currently, conscription is for two years for most people, but I wish there was a way I could just go for about 4 to 6 months-just to see what it's like.

What Doesn't Kill You: I saw a cheesesteak sandwich with fries and coleslaw for the first time in my life today. It may not sound strange at first, but the fries and coleslaw were inside the sandwich with the cheez whiz and beef! I needed a triple bypass just from looking at the monstrosity.

Only in Pennsylvania...

Monday, October 13, 2008

I Like Irrational Hatred

First Things First: Nice win by the Colts. Nice win.

Killing bugs: First of all, it's a lose-lose situation. If I kill it, then all that nasty bug goo gets on my wall or floor or something and sometimes it leaves a stain. If I don't kill it, I might accidentally step on it or something, which would be traumatize me for life. Most of the time, I try to use the catch and release method, but the larger bugs and those gifted with flight are immune to my catching prowess. I hate bugs.

Curly Hair: I'm not even sure why, but I hate men who have curly hair on tv. If I meet someone in real life who has curly hair, I usually won't even notice, but if there's a curly haired man on the television, it actually makes me want to stop watching whatever show I was watching. The only exception to this rule is Dr. Cox from Scrubs. But that's only because Scrubs is the best show on television.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I Like Other People Paying For My Recklessness

SAT: They had the loudest, most annoying radiator in my testing room. I wanted to shoot it.

I can haz health care: McCain's health care policy is to give Americans 5,000 dollars so they can do with it what they'd like. Really? I'm not quite sure I want to give some random hobo off the street 5,000 dollars so that they can go buy more booze and drugs. If poor people were good with managing money, they wouldn't be poor in the first place.

Colts: They better beat the Ravens.

Beatbox of the day:

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I Like Talking Football


Politics: So I came to school today wanting to talk about how embarrassing the Colts were and everyone was all like, "Yo, let's talk about Presidents!". First of all, not one of them sounded like they actually knew enough to pass judgment on which candidate was stronger. Second of all, why do they care? As far as I can see, there's no practical reason for their knowledge, seeing as they can't vote anyways. My guess is that they just don't want to look stupid when other people are talking politics.

Things to learn from Koreans: You know how, in America, we have an "ingredients" portion of the package that tells us what the food is made of? In Korea, they have two "ingredients" labels: one for the food and another for the package. It's pretty awesome. Even though I'm generally against government regulations, I have to admit that this policy seems to have led Korean companies to produce far more eco-friendly packaging.

photo: earthpro

Friday, October 10, 2008

I Like Living


So I've been doing some calculations on the Large Hadron Collider and I'm pretty appalled at the guys who turned it on.

Apparently there's a million to one chance that a black hole will form and all life on earth will end.

So, really, there's basically no chance of the machine being harmful, right?

Wrong!

Let's do some math. Since there are 7 billion people on Earth, probability says that when the engineers turned on the LHC, they did it expecting to kill 700 people. (7 billion times 1/million)

700 people.

I don't know about you guys, but if someone had told me that my science project would kill 700 people on average, then I might think twice before greedily accepting the funding for my death machine.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I Like Jews

Happy Yom Kippur, you guys! And by you guys, I mean Jews.

I just got back from the Korean buffet Dae Ga and I'm feeling a little fubsy. For fifteen dollars, the food isn't terrible, but the service is. At any one point during my meal, there would always be at least three dishes that didn't have any food left because the waiters were too slow. If you're Korean, there's really only about five foods that would interest you and they're also the ones that constantly run out. I felt like I had to "stock up" on certain foods like sushi so that I wouldn't have to wait two hours for them to replace the empty trays. Overall, their food was standard tradition fare: some nice tteokbokki, okay chicken and dumpling. Their ice cream was pretty bad though; it lacked flavor and was very hard to scoop out and considering that ice cream is usually my favorite part of a buffet, that is completely unacceptable.

If you're white and have never eaten Korean food before, this is a nice casual place to start.

(Only after writing this post did I realize that some of you guys are fasting today. So ummm.... sorry?)

It's a nice place when they actually have food available.

photo: off the broiler

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I Like Being Fashion-Forward (Alliteration!)


Bonchon Update: I had Bonchon today. And it was good.

Fashion: I also bought a pocket square today and I learned that folding a pocket square is a lot like origami.

Side Note: Pocket square makes me look fancy. I recommend that anyone who wears a suit regularly gets one immediately.

SAT: The prep books are always like, "yo, make sure you have the exact testing conditions when you take these practice tests," but they don't even have all 10 sections of the SAT. They have 9 because there is always one "test" section that doesn't count for anything and I guess the review book companies wanted to save some paper or something.

photo: chaos ensues

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I Like Learning New Things

Family Life: We have been learning about STD’s since 6th grade and the curriculum is pretty much the same every year: HIV is transmitted through sex, use a condom, you can’t get HIV from kissing, blah blah blah. Honestly, I don't understand how the school system gets away with teaching kids the same thing for years on end.

Just as a frame of reference, imagine if this type of teaching happened in other classes. What if all the math teachers decided to teach the same thing year after year? I guess I would know a lot about introductory algebra, but I wouldn't be able to solve even the most basic of geometry problems. What if all my history teachers did it? I guess I would know a lot about drawing maps and I would definitely know the acronyms of all fifty states, but I would not know a thing about Cicero’s On the Laws, or that the turning point of the American Revolution was the Battle of Saratoga.

Shame on you, Public Education System, shame on you.

The Republican Sex Education Program.

photo: kurafire

Monday, October 6, 2008

I Like Stable Economies

Bailout: So I was listening to the radio today and the announcer guy was all like, "Paulson will be meeting with Bush to formulate a new plan" and whatnot. What?! Did they not have a backup plan? When the House rejected their proposal, they should have been all like, "Don't worry. We have a Plan B, which we will put to vote tomorrow." Shame on you, Secretary of Treasury!

On an unrelated note, can someone explain this cartoon to me? What's the punch line supposed to imply? That Chinese people eat with lots of different plates?


photo: yimg

Sunday, October 5, 2008

I Like Writing About School and Whatnot

Homework: Dr. Seuss once said, "the people who care don't matter and the people who matter don't care." This is the opposite for me. For example, I never ask upperclassmen (people who matter) for homework because I don't want to disappoint them. Yet, I somehow get the feeling this wasn't the type of thing he was talking about...

Work: Sleep wastes my time. must... Not... SLEEP!!! If I'm lucky, maybe the sleep-deprivation will turn me into a zombie by Halloween.

Freewriting: Freewriting is a writing exercise where you just write and write and write about nothing specific. Teachers will try to tell you that this mindless zombie work will "help" you become a better writer, but in reality, this is just a way for them to fill up time when they don't have a lesson planned out. So the next time a teacher tells your class to free write, call him out for his incompetence!

The Sandal Person has ruined the picture.

photo: Old Shoe Woman

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I Like Sharing


One thing I wish American candy makers would learn from Koreans: How to make gummy candy not stick to your teeth when you chew. I have no idea how we do it, but Korean gummies are not sticky at all.

And another thing: Korean products have production date as well as expiration date. This is pretty cool. I think we should start doing this. It tells me the relative freshness of a packaged good. More government regulation, please.

Open Source: Does creativity arise mainly because of monetary incentives? Before copyright laws, there was Sophocles, Dante, da Vinci, Botticelli, Michelangelo, Shakespeare, Newton, Cervantes, Bach. Personally, I think we should try removing copyright laws for a couple centuries and see what happens.

Friday, October 3, 2008

I Like Unbiased Debate Moderators

Hip to the Hop: So I was watching VH1 today and they had a show about the 100 greatest hip hop songs of all time. About 5 minutes after I started watching, they got up to number 90 and I was shocked that it was Pete Rock and CL Smooth's They Reminisce Over You! Are they crazy? T.R.O.Y. is arguably one of the greatest songs in hip hop history. Shame on you, VH1, shame on you.

Media Hound: The moderator of the Vice Presidential debate, Gwen Ifill, has written a book about Barack Obama that is to come out around election day. So exactly how objective can she be? If Obama loses the race, her books going to be worth far less than if he wins, so is it not in her best interest to help out Senator Joe Biden during the debate?

Roflcopter of the Day (I went to prom too!):

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I Like Korean Snacks Part I

parenthesis update: If you have the open parenthesis on a different line than the close parenthesis, it's really confusing. So, to solve the problem, I'll sometimes enclose all the lines in a pair of giant parenthesis. It works.

SAT's: They're this weekend and instead of studying for them, I'm trying to update this blog on the daily. Whoopee.

Korean snacks: You guys, my dad brought a lot of old fashioned Korean snacks from his business trip and I'm having them all the time now! They're pretty awesome, not like that stupid Japanese crap. My favorite is the green one in spirals and covered with some sticky sugary material. It's basically the perfect hard/soft balance of texture and bite. What I really want, though, is some Korean ice cream...

I'll put up some pictures of Korean snacks tomorrow.

edit: while I was reading over this post, I mistook giant parenthesis for giant penis and I was shocked.