Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I Like Creativity

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Kuumba (Creativity).

“Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous.”~ Bill Moyers

Candy: Pixy stix are just paper tubes filled with colored artificial sugar. But pretty much every restaurant, diner, coffehouse, cafeteria has packets of sugar for free. So why would you pay for pixy stix?

Side Note: Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback to have graced the game and he should most definitely be the MVP.

I don't get the last one either.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I Like Purpose

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: It was probably disoriented by the urban setting in which it was placed

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Nia (Purpose)

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ~Emerson

Monday, December 29, 2008

I Like Cooperative Economics

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics).

“Geography has made us neighbors. History has made us friends. Economics has made us partners, and necessity has made us allies. Those whom God has so joined together, let no man put asunder.”~JFK

Television: TNT advertises that their network has less commercials and more movie. I'm sorry. Wouldn't you have less commercials if you didn't have a commercial about having less commercials? Just a thought.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I Like Responsibility

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility)

Work! Huh! Yeah~ What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.

News: CNN shows amateur videos from the internet fairly regularly. I watch cable news so I can get high quality reporting, not some idiot who happens to own a video camera. If I wanted to see people making fools out of themselves, I would just go watch Oprah. Then again, I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Oh lawd!
photo: nayrb

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I Like Determination

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Kujichagulia, self-determination.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race” ~Calvin Coolidge

Christmas: What's the deal with people that decorate their lawns for holidays? Holiday-themed lawn decorations are tacky almost without exception. And I'm thinking it also lowers the property value of the neighborhood. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.

Friday, December 26, 2008

I Like Unity

From everyone at The Dirty Needle Coughs, Habari Gani!

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Umoja- Unity.

Unity, because when spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

I Like Christmas

Merry Christmas from everyone at The Dirty Needle Coughs!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I Like Tacos More Than Hot Dogs

Mexican Food: Exactly what is the proper taco eating technique? At first, I thought it was to turn the taco itself to a horizontal position for optimal consumption. But no! With this technique all the filling falls out. The correct method to this madness is to tilt your head, not your taco. In this manner, you still get to eat it horizontally, but nothing falls out! You can thank me later.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Like Zach Braff

Here are my favorite quotes from Zach Braff of Scrubs fame.

"I mean, they lost both parents. That's just careless." - Zach Braff on orphans

"I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people." - Zach Braff on reality shows.

"Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me." - Zach Braff on abortion.

"I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport." - Zach Braff on Homosexuals


Monday, December 22, 2008


Interwebs: Collegehumor is getting its own show on MTV. I hope they upload all their shows onto their website because I don't want to watch a stupid channel like MTV. Come to think about it, there are no good shows on MTV. Shot at Love, Made, Next, Beavis and Butthead, Cribs... Their list of failures goes on and on. Maybe the guys from CH can make them slightly more respectable.

Hip Hop: MC Hawking is pretty creative. Gangster rap through a text-to-speech device sounds oh so sweet.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I Like Things

Things I'm sad about: There's no one else with my name on facebook.

Things I'm happy about: Colts are going to the playoffs as 5th seed! My prediction is going according to plan.

Things I don't understand: Shrek has a table for two, but he doesn't have any visitors.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I Like Talking in Questions?

Candy: Junior Mints claim that they are covered in "pure" chocolate. What exactly is pure chocolate? Or better yet, what exactly is "impure" chocolate? How expensive can chocolate be that people would put in a chocolate substitute to lower production costs? What would they even use? Guano? I would buy more of it if it was chocolate covered in pure mint? Can you say super special awesome?


Friday, December 19, 2008

I Like Regular Weather

Weather: I don't understand the concept of snow. I feel as though we are brainwashed into liking snow as children and as we grow up, we painfully realize that maybe snow is not so good. It messed up my shoes, keeps me from getting from one place to another in an efficient manner, and did I mention it messes up my shoes? Perhaps parents should teach their children the truth about rain's colder brethren at a young age to ease the pains of growing up.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I Like Barry

Dr. Seuss: Thing 1 sounds like Barry White. This scares me.

Photo: codechimp_net

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Like the Better Manning

Football: This is my prediction for the NFL. Dolphins win their next two games. So do the Pats. Ravens lose against Dallas. Pats go in 6th seed and Colts as 5th seed. Both the Colts and the Pats continue to win until both teams meet at the AFC championships at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis where the Colts beat the Patriots and go on to face Eli Manning's Giants in a Manning versus Manning shootout at the Super Bowl. Oh, and obviously, Peyton wins.

Hip-Hop: Lil Wayne claims that all his verses are off the top of his head in freestyle fashion. If this is true, why doesn't he just put out a new album as soon as the current album's sales start dropping?

Photo: Georgetown voice

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Like Power

Politics: While Bush was holding a press conference in Baghdad, Iraqi journalist Muntazer al-Zaidi from Al-Baghdadia television network threw a shoe at him. Honestly, who throws a shoe?

Monday, December 15, 2008

I Like DBZ Names

Posture: Apparently there are thousands of pictures of naked ivy league students from George Bush to Hillary Clinton somewhere if you look hard enough. Which leads me to ask: Where's Indiana Jones when you need him?

Kwanzaa: It's coming!

Names: In 1810, the ruler of Hawaii was King Kamehameha. That's right. Kamehameha.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I Like How Magibon is a Celebrity

Popular Culture: Why do people care how celebrities act? Are these the same type of people that care what their doctor does on his weekends or where their dentist adopted his kid from? What value does knowing about the day-to-day life of a celebrity provide?

Unfairness: I don't like how you have to write applications to selective programs and schools require you to write essays. They're essentially counting a person's writing abilities twice: once for their school grade in English class and once for the essay. I mean it gives people who are strong in English an advantage over everyone else and essentially cripples those who aren't very skilled in writing, but are good at other things.

This is how all my dates go:

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I Like the New Banner

Old News: I have a new banner, you guys! Big thanks to Lillian for her needle! (she drew it!)

Googlemania: In Google Translate, on the bottom right hand corner, there's a link that says "suggest a better translation". While I applaud the effort, I have to point out a minute flaw. If you know a better translation than what google translate will provide you, why would you be using it in the first place?

Art: How come when kids draw on the sidewalk, it's cute, but when teenagers do it, it's graffiti?

photo: Richard Cocks

Friday, December 12, 2008

I Like Calamari

Protip: I started placing my mousepad vertically instead of horizontally and it's a gigantic improvement. For browsing the internet tubes and such, this positioning is pro.

Fun Fact: Korean people enjoy watching scary movies during summertime.

Policy: Squid is a lot like authoritarian rule. It tastes pretty bad until you figure out how to cook it just right.

Question of the day: Why do kids like cartoons so much more than adults? Is it because they have better imaginations and they can suspend their disbelief to a greater extent?

MMMMMM... Dictatorship salad~

photo: avlxyz

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Like Watching Television

Shows that I recommend you watch:

Arrested Development- This is for people who enjoy subtle humor and hidden gems. The jokes aren't always obvious and a lot of times they reference previous episodes. I recommend you watch this one from start to finish. (only about 2.5 seasons)

Scrubs-Great show or greatest show?

Boondocks- Both the jokes and social commentary are pretty in your face. Don't watch this if you are offended by people calling each other niggers.

Roflcopout of the day:

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I Like Milkis (Part II)

As promised: Personally, I tried the lychee flavored calpis. The lychee flavor was too weak and the drink was too watery and didn't quite have the thickness that milk should have brought it. The drink leaves a aftertaste not very much unlike that of sugar-water. Overall, the drink is slightly better than getting arrested by the FBI for distributing child pornography and becoming you cellmate Frank's "girlfriend".

On a related note: Starbucks coffee cake was pretty good, even if I couldn't taste the coffee. I recommend not having it with cow piss calpis.

photo: Back to the cutting Board

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I Like Milkis (Part I)

Calpis: Calpis is advertised as a non-carbonated soft drink. Isn't... isn't that just juice, then?

Interesting Fact: In English speaking countries, Calpis is called Calpico because Calpis sounds too much like "Cow piss".

Koreans do it better: I prefer Milikis.

(More on Calpis will follow tomorrow!)

photo: framboise

Monday, December 8, 2008

I Like Knowing What's Going On

Y2K: What was the big deal about the turn of the millenium? I remember I was a kid when it happened and I didn't even bother staying up.

Embarrassing moments of my life: You guys! I was sleeping, per usual when my mom comes in and she's like, "IT'S 8 O'CLOCK!" and then just rushes off into the bathroom. Shaking off the stupor, I realize I'm completely late for school and I start tearing my clothes off as fast as possible and thinking about how I'm going to study for my math test in the car. I get down to my boxers when I yell out "WHO'S GOING TO DRIVE ME?"My mother comes out of the bathroom to see what's going on and starts laughing, at which point I come to the realization that it was 8pm, not 8am and that my mother was yelling at me for taking a nap. Needless to say, it was one of the prouder moments in my life.

photo: Tambako the Jaguar

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I Like Not Taking Pictures of Myself

Photograph: I don't understand what pleasure people derive from taking massive amounts of pictures of themselves. Maybe I'm just not narcissistic enough to enjoy looking at myself in still photo form.

I Don't Know Anything About Politics: How come when Bush hires some people he knows, they're his "cronies", but when Obama does it, it's his "trusted network"?

Shopping: So I went to an store the other day and as I was returning to my car, there were a bunch of firemen telling me to get as far away as possible because there was a bomb threat. It was like going to school while going shopping.

Typical Muslim cat is typical.

photo: encyclopedia dramatica

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Like Saving the World

Nobel Prize: Whenever my calculator says that the batteries are running out, I remove them and instead of throwing them out, I put them in my clock that never has batteries. I like to think that this selfless act of environmentalism makes up for the fact that I drive to school every day, eat lots of red meat, and kick babies in the face (for the lulz, of course). You might say my battery using technique is inconsequential, but so is voting.

Bonchon Update: I had Bonchon for the first time in one and a half months. And it was good.

Leisure: I don't understand the enjoyment of ice skating. You strap on some blades and you go around in a circle for an hour. Weeeee...

Friday, December 5, 2008

I Like Helping You

College: My guidance counselor tells me that I need to go visit colleges to see which one "feels right". I disagree. Assuming that you only visit colleges where you are planning to apply/enroll, there are two possible outcomes of a college visit. One is that it will have no effect on your decision to apply/enroll and the visit has been a waste of both your money and your time. The second possible outcome is that you do change your mind about the college and you decide not to apply/enroll there. This is even worse as you are essentially making a huge decision in your life based on a sample size of 1.

To explain how stupid this is, let's say that one day, you find a spider, as you're drying yourself off, you find a spider in your towel. Now, you've never seen anything in your towel at any time before this incident and surely you must have taken millions of showers. Deciding not to go to a college because of a single visit there is like deciding to check your towel for 5 minutes after every shower because you found a spider that one time.

Because of this, most, if not all students who decide against a college based on a single visit are unjustified in their actions.

TL;DR: Both possible outcomes of a college visit are losses. Either you lose money and time or you make a bad decision. There's no way you can win. It's a rigged game.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Like Image Editing

This was my first attempt at making a motivational poster. I hope you guys like it!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Like toothPASTE

Toothpaste Update: I have this new toothpaste that's not really toothpaste at all. It's like this gel material and it sucks. That is all.

Shoes: So I bought some Pumas today and the words "Real Puma" were printed inside. That's a good way to tell if you have authentic Pumas or not. Because the guys that make the fake Pumas, their shoes have the words "Fake Puma" inscribed instead.

4chan: I finally understand why so popular.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I Like British People

Charity: The Salvation Army people that ring bells at the collection plates really annoy me. And the one I saw wasn't even dressed like Santa! What's the point of those bells? Does anyone actually go, "OOOOHHH Bells! I think I'm going to empty my wallet into this red bucket you have right here." Those stupid ringers are only slightly less aggravating than talking to a staff member at the DMV.

Chinese: Without a doubt, Korean people make the best Chinese food. I made the grave mistake of eating Chinese-made Chinese food and it was terrible! The chicken was salty and soggy, the rice was strange, and the broccoli was like liquid magma in my mouth. I should've left as soon as I hear those guys speaking Cantonese to one another.

When did Daft Punk join the Salvation Army?

photo: trevino

Monday, December 1, 2008

I Like Flaggelating Myself

Government: Dictators always get a bad rap, but authoritarianism isn't so bad. But look at Korea. Park Chung-hee increased GDP a million-fold! American public, please repeal your bias of authoritarian rule.

Strange Bedfellows: You guys, I had lunch with British people! And I can tell you this- they do all talk like mac manc mcmanx. Hooray for stereotypes!

Self-Flaggelating: It's not a dirty word?

Roflcopout of the Day: