Saturday, January 31, 2009

I like Korean Prodigies

Korean people are better than you. End of discussion.

Friday, January 30, 2009

I Like Princess Diorama

The word diorama, which means a picture (or series of pictures) representing a continuous scene, sounds a lot like diarrhea. Now, you might not think this is a big deal, but you have to consider the fact that in America, most of the people that are told to make dioramas are children. Children are prone to misunderstanding big words. Put those two facts together, and you better be careful about what you assign kids for their Charlotte's Web project.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Like Courage

Courage is pouring yourself a glass of water in the middle of the night, without turning the lights on first.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I Like Joe Bidet

Here's one for the eurofags: What's the deal with bidets? I really hate it when I take a crap and the water bounces up to hit my cheeks, but a bidet is 9000 times worse! How could anyone enjoy such a painful and frustrating experience?

photo: encyclopedia dramatica

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Like Them

The Worst Band in the World. (click the link)

Monday, January 26, 2009

I Like Korean New Year

Question: Do Koreans watch Ryan Seacrest and drink bubbly on Korean New Year?

From everyone at The Dirty Needle Coughs:
새해 복 많이 받으세요
may you receive the many blessings of the new year.

I Like M.I.A.

FACT: Adding Paper Planes by M.I.A. makes every movie, short film, and animation twice as good as it was before. Paper Planes is insta-win.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I Like Jokes

Unfunny Jokes:

Q: you know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes?
A: because he uses the best ingredients.

A guy crashes into a dwarfs car, the dwarf gets out of his car and walks up to the mans window and says "I'm not happy"and the guy responds "Well which one are you?"

A jew, a christian, and a muslim are all on a plane. they have a very nice enjoyable flight and land at their destination safely and on time.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I Like MJ

You guys, I went to a new barber today and before he even started cutting my hair, he dropped his comb! The man who was going to put a straight razor (pictured above) to my face could not even hold on to plastic comb. Honestly, if I wanted to be this scared, I would have gone to that new barber across town: Michael J. Fox.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I Like Conversational Appeasement

You guys, there's a clergyman named Harry Fosdick! During WWII, he supported appeasement of Hitler, and I'm not surprised. As long as Hitler was around, whenever anyone would try to make fun of his name, he could just switch the topic to the Nazis. Imagine the following scenario:

Host of Big Party: Hello, I don't believe we've met.

Harry: Oh. Harry Fosdick. Nice to meet you.

Host: Harry... Fosdick? Rea-

Harry: So how about that Hitler?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I Like Japanese Game Shows

I don't understand Japanese game shows. I think the production companies just get all their ideas from one maniacally sadistic man in a dimly lit basement somewhere saying things like, "I got it! For the new game show we'll see how fast each contestant can stimulate an elephant while rubbing its dung on a scantily-clad woman's face."

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I Like Quest Crew

So the 3rd season of America's Best Dance Crew has finally started and my pick for this season's champion is Quest Crew. With that having been said, I feel Ringmasters have an unfair advantage because Lil Mama will probably vote for them every time.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I Like Monkeys

Congratulations, America. Your country is now officially run by a terrorist monkey.

Monday, January 19, 2009

I Like Dreaming

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. spent his last night on Earth having sex with two women at the motel and physically beating and abusing a third.

Here is the truth about Martin Luther King, a plagiarist who embezzled funds raised for the civil rights movement to pay for alcohol and prostitutes. MLK was no hero. He was a con man who swindled millions out of their money to pay for his drunken sexcapades.

photo: jaelita

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I Like Indian Obama

So I just watched Slumdog Millionaire, and for those of you who don't know, it's a story about a young Barack Obama who ends up being a millionaire president. Personally, I didn't think it was half as good as it's sequel: Drumdog Millionaire.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I Like White Cake

Cake: I don't like the black part of marble cake. What flavor is it even supposed to be? Chocolate anus? (video related)

Friday, January 16, 2009

I Like Real Sports

New Sport: Place two contestants 100 meters from the finish line. Contestants may do anything that they would be allowed to do in a collegiate wrestling match. First to reach the finish line wins.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Like Eating Oreos Like a Normal Person

Some people enjoy disassembling their oreos and eat the cookie, lick the cream, then eat the second cookie. I find this absurd. It's like if I made a peanut-butter sandwich, then took it apart, ate the bread, licked off the peanut butter, and ate the other slice of bread. Ridonkeylous.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I Like Lateral Cars

They should make cars that can move laterally. Parallel parking's more annoying than Chinese calculus.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I like Candy

Here's my dilemma: I don't trust the open candy in bowls that they sometimes have at the counters of restaurants, but they're really good, you guys. What do I do?

Monday, January 12, 2009

I Like Boxxy.

What kind of rap name is Ne-Yo? Reminds me of the Matrix. (video unrelated)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I Like Realistic Fighting Shows

Alright, so Krillin marries Android 18, right? But in real life terms, isn't that the equivalent of marrying a sex doll? He marries an inanimate object! And they have babies together! How is this even possible? Shame on you DBZ writers, shame on you.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Like Old Scrubs

New Scrubs episodes weren't very good. Ted was hilarious though. The new interns are also pretty bad. Maddox isn't funny. 2nd episode is way too early to be that serious.

So if any of you guys watched Scrubs last night, here's a funny picture to cheer you up.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I Like Buying Music

Ridiculousness: Can you believe this nonsense? Taco Bell stole my name for their Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch. I refuse to stand for this sillyness. As the original Bacon Chedda I declare an immediate boycott of this product!

Music: I don't understand people that buy albums instead of just illegally downloading them for the sole reason of "supporting" the artist. Now, there are a lot of reasons you should buy your music instead of stealing it: stealing's illegal, you're not savvy enough to go around the system, you want to give a cd as a gift, etc etc. But if your only purpose is to support an artist and you don't care about doing illegal things, then the most efficient means of doing this is to download the songs for free then send whatever you would have paid for it to the artist directly. In fact, you could even keep half of whatever the record company would have gotten and you'd both be better off. Simple economics.

Monday, January 5, 2009

I Like Combinations

Candy: Eating hard candy is like chinese water torture. The small doses of sugar come at irregular intervals to drive a sucker mad. And forget about lollipops! They might as well peddle cherry flavored wax sticks because I always end up eating about half the stick anyways.

Question of the day: Is soft candy every type of candy that's not hard candy?

Useless: My briefcase has a lock, but it's a two number combination so at most, a robber would only have to try it 100 times. Then again, I'm thinking if a robber steals my briefcase, he can probably just tear it open and not bother with the lock...

And still not as bad as hard candy.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I Like Helping Out With Domestic Policy

Terrorism: Scott Adams makes a good point. He notes that an economy where oil is priced at 40 dollars a barrel cuts off a lot of terrorist funding and that attacking the US would put them at an even worse position as they would drive the economy further into the proverbial hole. As such, I would like to propose that the US department of homeland security budget be tied in some way to the price of oil because as the price of oil goes down, the threat of an attack goes down. Nobel Prize in economics? Yes, please.

Now that Kwanzaa's over, black jokes are funny again!

photo: encyclopedia dramatica

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I Hate the Colts

Just an embarrassing showing by the worst team in the NFL. Just a terrible team, the Indianapolis Colts.

I Like Fish Tacos

Food: Fishsticks are arguably one of the most ambiguous food items available. Fish sticks can be made of literally any species of fish! What if people sold meatsticks? Just sticks of whatever meat the butcher could find, covered in fried batter. Oh, what's that? That's what a corndog is?

Bonchon Update: I had bonchon today. And it was good.

Friday, January 2, 2009

I Like Yo Dawg

In 2008, the Rickroll exploded into mainstream culture. So my pick for the breakout internet phenomenon of 2008 is xzibit's yo dawg. Here's what I'm talking about:

Thursday, January 1, 2009

I Like Faith

(sorry about the late update, you guys. I forgot to change the year from 2008 to 2009...)

From everyone at THE DIRTY NEEDLE COUGHS, Happy New Year!

Today's principle of Kwanzaa is Imani (Faith).

As it is the last day of Kwanzaa, I thought it would only be fitting that our final Kwanzaa Kwote be from Martin Luther King Jr. himself.

“Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”