Saturday, February 28, 2009

I Like Strawberry, Personally


Toothpaste Update: Apparently, my toothpaste has a "great regular flavor". At least, that's what the box says. What does that even mean anyways? What exactly is a "regular" flavor? What arrogant stock of toothpaste intelligentsia decided that one flavor of toothpaste was going to be regular and all the other flavors were going to be irregular? I don't know who works for Crest Toothpaste's labeling department, but that guy needs to be replaced immediately.

Friday, February 27, 2009

I Fucking Like Swearing


How come children aren't allowed to curse as much as adults are? Pretty much every adult swears from time to time, yet if they find their own child yelling obscenities in the same way that they would around their friends, the children get punished. Unlike caffeine or weightlifting, I don't see how swearing is any more harmful for a child than a full-grown adult.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I Like Lunar Calendars


I am convinced that whoever made the calendar put 28 days just to ruin my life.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Like Zach Braff


I hate Barack Obama. During his inauguration, they canceled Scrubs so that they could show his stupid parade. This week, they're showing his "state of the union" nonsense instead of a new episode. There's only one explanation for it: Obama hates Zach Braff. So, in my furious anger, I have decided to start a Reasons to Hate Obama List.

Reasons to Hate Obama
  1. He hates Zach Braff.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I Like Umbrellas


Who knew black people could get bruised?

Monday, February 23, 2009

I Like Immigrants


I don't understand the people that move to America, then blame Americans for not being able to get a job as though it was America's fault that they had no marketable skills. Also, this is my 200th post? Yay...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Slumdog Millionaire should have won the title for Worst Motion Picture. It was terrible.

I Like Sup Kongregate


The sup dawg meme has made it to Kongregate. Here's what their new challenge says:

Sup Dawg, we heard you like achievements, so we put some badges in your challenges so you can achieve while you achieve.

Breakout meme of the year? It's getting close.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I Like Comforting Others


One of my friend's facebook status messages said that she was raped and I was going to make a joke about it. But what if she actually was raped? Then I'd just look mean. So, I just wrote, "Sucks to be raped, huh? =("

Friday, February 20, 2009

I Like Colored Mimes

Colorado School of Mines sounds too much like Colored School of Mimes.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I Like Nonsense


In the romantic comedy Boys Before Flowers, Junpyo runs a global corporation. Yet he's only a high school student! What?! The premise is so utterly ridiculous that I can't help but unsuspend my disbelief whenever he's seen making a business deal. Come on, Korean writer guys. Don't you have any better ideas?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Like Hedberg

Demitri Martin steals jokes from Mitch Hedberg. Here is the original joke, told by Hedberg.

Mitch Hedberg: A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

Now here it is, told by Martin.

Demetri Martin: I don't like lollipops because to me a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage.

What an anus.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I Like Foot Scoopers


Why do they call a shoe horn a shoe horn? It looks nothing like a horn! If anything, they should call it a foot scooper.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I Like Seeing What's Up

I've always felt that the one advantage that left-handed teachers have over right-handed ones is that when they write on the board, they don't cover up what they're writing with their body. Yet, somehow my left-handed math teacher manages to write in the most awkward position by reaching his left hand across his body, so that despite his left-handedness, no one can read what he writes until he moves out of the way. Bravo, math man. Bravo.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I Like Jesus

Jesus is Santa Claus for adults.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I Like You!


Happy Valentines Day, you guys!

Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. ~Dr. Cox

Friday, February 13, 2009

I Like is Mine


Facebook stole my "I like" feature. What tools.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I Like Mr. Bean

Joe Jonas looks like Mr. Bean.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Like 4-Wheeled Vehicles

What is the expression "the third wheel" supposed to mean? I can't think of anything that would be worse if it had a third wheel besides maybe a motorcyle/bike.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I Like Irony

Literary Irony: In the story Benito Cereno by Herman Melville, the black dude is named Babo, which is Korean for stupid.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I LiCarly


You guys, I just saw the iCarly theme song (around 3:18) for the first time and the ending of the theme song has the three pre-teen main characters rubbing themselves and exposing their midriffs next to a creepy old guy. Real appropriate, Nickelodeon, real appropriate.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I Like Bambi

Today's witty observation was posed by Ryan Collins: Why is it that the muppet named Animal is the one that's most obviously not an animal?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Friday, February 6, 2009

I Like Raisin Bran


But all the raisins always fall down to the bottom of the bag. So, whenever I start eating it, there's always too much bran. Yet, as I go lower and lower, the raisin to bran ratio increases until there are too many raisins. The problem, then, is that half the time, there's too much bran and the other half of the time, there's too much raisins. So here's my question: Why doesn't the raisin bran company just package the raisins and the bran separately so that consumers can choose the perfect amount of raisins each time? Why submit your customers to the luck of the raisins?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I Like Sleep

When I was in preschool, I used to hate nap time. In fact, I hated it so much that my parents had to come and take me out during nap time and send me to an academy (It was an academy for a Korean board game). Now that I'm in high school, I consider the entire day as nap time. Ironic.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Like Bruce Lee

Here are my favorite Chuck Norris Facts.

* Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet to make sure Chuck Norris folded all of the clothes correctly.
* Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups; he's too old.
* Chuck Norris ruins every party he goes to because he is a born again Christian fundie.
* Evolution is a lie; there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris believes were created by our Lord God Almighty.
* Chuck Norris once told Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris joke. But Chuck Norris didn't laugh. Because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.


photo: raindog808

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I Like Time Travel

Dinosaur Comics had an interesting bit today. So did the Onion.



Monday, February 2, 2009

I Like Citrus Fruits


Whenever I eat a clementine, I always like to eat the biggest slice last. To this end, I hold clementine duels.

I split the clementine into two halves and pick up one of them. I compare the slice on each end to see which one is smaller volume-wise. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a slice that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. These abnormalities make judging size a tricky procedure.

When I reach the end of the half, I am left with one slice, the most dominant of the herd. This is the slice that shall be devoured last.

There can be only one.

photo: simpologist

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I Like German Fries

I was reading my history textbook when I came upon some interesting information. Apparently, during World War I, Americans hated Germans so much that they started calling Sauerkraut "liberty cabbage" and hamburgers "liberty sausage". How silly. Modern day Americans would never resort to that type of petty protest. Oh wait...


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