Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Like Reading Blogs

Why does everyone care about the dying newspaper industry? I don't understand why this would be any more of a big deal than say, the decline of the portable cd industry or the VHS industry. So the next time you think about subscribing to the local paper, subscribe to this blog instead!

Monday, March 30, 2009

I Like Admiration

People who liked the show + People who are getting ready to leave = Standing Ovation

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I Like Not Sucky Cookies

So today, I bought some Israeli cookies, jewkies, if you will, and they sucked! No wonder the Palestinians hate Israelis so much. The Israelites probably sold them all their cookies.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I Like Strawberries

Today, I went up to a urinal after waiting in line for a minute or two and it smelled like strawberries! The guy hadn't left yet, so this got me thinking. How good does a person's urine have to smell for it to be socially acceptable to comment on it? Surely, strawberry urine deserves some recognition.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I Like Early 20th Century Stereotypes

In Huckleberry Finn, Tom realizes where the slave Jim is being held captive because another slave brings watermelon to the basement. Coincidence? I think not.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Like Singing Only Sometimes

Going to church always feels like being part of a cult for me. I don't mind that they're constantly praising a benevolent God and His son, but do they really have to do it in song?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I Like African Americans

Whats the worst part about being a black Jew?

You have to go to the back of the oven.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I Like Bong

Baseball team, you've shamed our nation.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I Like Interracial Couples

Things I have yet to see:
  • Asian man dating a black female (aka "nigger with a small dick")

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I Hate Obama

Last night, Obama, after being criticized about his low bowling score, said that "It's like - it was like Special Olympics or something." And liberals are going about like it's nothing! They criticize George Bush's pronounciation of "nucular" for 8 years, but I guess it's perfectly fine for Obama to go around making fun of the mentally challenged. Nice going, terrorist monkey.

Reasons to Hate Obama
  1. He hates Zach Braff.
  2. He hates disabled people.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I Like the Word Fisticuffs

Today, I found out that if you attend public school, you're not allowed to punch people in the face. Who knew?

Friday, March 20, 2009

I Don't Like Your Opinion

They should have a news network where the only opinions presented are those of economists.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I Like Animals

If you're contributing something useful to an ongoing, unresolved debate, does that mean you're beating a live horse?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Like Guns

My APUSH homework requires that every once in a while I do a section titled "Pertinent Questions." Now, is it just me or does that mean that all the other sections of the book are impertinent?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I Like Staying Up

Whenever I'm up late studying for an AP US History test, I feel like insomnia is more of a superpower than a disorder.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I'll Learn to Like Ants.

You guys, I just spilled ginseng tea all over my table! Yep. Nothing like covering your table, mousepad, and laptop with a thin layer of honey just before Spring starts...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Like Doing My Part

D.L. Hughley's Breaking the News is now canceled! You're welcome, America.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I Like Staying Far Away From Other's Chubbies

You guys, there used to be a famous black male singer named Chubby Checker! This one's just too easy.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I Like Churros

Why don't they sell churros at the supermarket bakery? Seriously, because sometimes I'm in the mood for churro eating and I am nowhere near a Hispanic town or Disney World.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I LOVE Pac Man!

I wrote a gospel hymn the other day. It was just the Charles in Charge theme song with "God" substituted for "Charles." ~AC 2SMART

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I Like Not Feeling Like I Would Rather Stab My Own Eyes Out with A Rusty Onion Peel

I have a cold and a five hour exam tomorrow. Worst. possible. combination. of. two. things. ever. Yes. Worse than Hitler and Jews.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I Like Not Getting Myself All Wet and Sticky (TWSS)

I had a ramune drink for the first time today, you guys. Unfortunately, I spilled most of it while I was trying to open the damned thing. Seriously, pushing that marble through the top is so hard, anyone who does it should be declared King of England.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I Like Taking Pictures

Michael J. Fox should test out the image stabilization feature of digital cameras. Because of Parkinson's.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I Like Being the Only Batman

Is it just me or is Nite Owl (from Watchmen) a knock off of Batman?

pictures: smh and warner

Saturday, March 7, 2009

I Like Napping (But not the kid kind)

My mother always catches me napping by asking me questions and listening to the sound of my voice. So, to keep her from bothering me, I've trained myself to talk as though I was fully awake. I wouldn't call it deceptive. Just, ahead of the curve.

Friday, March 6, 2009

I Like Crunching on Steroids

The two main comments about steroids I hear about why steroids are illegal are that they are dangerous and that they give users an unfair advantage. On the first point, just being an athlete is detrimental to your health; I mean, pushing your body to its limit every day isn't exactly adding years to your life. Second, if steroids were legal, it would be no more "unfair" than protein shakes or lzr suits. Personally, I support any drug that makes my athletes look like they eat Hummers for breakfast.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Quest Crew won! I totally called it, you guys~

I Like Connecting

Sleep is the best method of waiting.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I Like Regular Bulbs

I know I'm normally an environmentalist, but these compact florescent light bulbs are just too dark! It's okay in my room because I have 4 bulbs, but in the hallway, there's only one and it's darker than a third-world country.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I Like LHC

Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Funny, I thought it was called statistics.

Monday, March 2, 2009

I Like Quiet Eating

Korean restaurants are really loud.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I Liked Ice Cream

Zach Braff Quotes:
I'm not really convinced that I did something wrong... they were all cool with it. -Zach Braff on molesting children

Its not that they aren't people... they're just sub-humans. -Zach Braff on homos

Made me wanna eat ice cream. - Zach Braff on 2 girls 1 cup

It was hard not to order it around. - Zack Braff on working with a black actor