Monday, September 28, 2009

I Like Modest Proposals

I hate shopping. One reason is because of the people that work at stores. It’s not every employee that I have a problem with. Just the dumb ones. The issue is that I want fast service, but since these guys are being paid by the hour, they work as slowly as possible. My solution? Stores should implement a new rule that allows customers to slap an employee in the face for every 30 seconds that they have to waste because of poor service.
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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Instead of using tostitos scoops to pick up more salsa, I pick up other smaller tostitos scoops pieces.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I Like Tap Water

Does anybody else think that it's crazy that Arizona Iced Tea is cheaper than bottled water? It's almost as crazy as how when George Bush said Hezbollah to "stop doing this shit," everyone started freaking out because he talks just like everyone else, but when Obama called Kanye a "jackass," everyone just thought Obama was a cool guy or that it was no big deal. Why? Is it because this is an affirmative action presidency? Is it because the media has a liberal bias? I know! I bet it's because Kanye is such a greater evil than Hezbollah ever was or will be that the use of profanity is more than justified.

Reasons to Hate Obama
  1. He hates Zach Braff.
  2. He hates disabled people.
  3. He hates people who have jobs and ignores people who offer sound economic advice.
  4. He can't be trusted with big government projects.
  5. He uses profanity to insult other prominent people.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I Like Serena Now

Here's Zach Braff's imitation of Serena Williams.

(start watching at the 33 second mark)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I Still Hate Obama

So I'm listening to Obama's health care speech right now and I can't help but be reminded about the last time this administration took on a plan of this magnitude. The Obama administration promised hard working Americans that if their stimulus plan was passed, the unemployment rate would stay below 8%. Currently, the US unemployment rate is at 9.6%. Can we really trust this administration with another huge responsibility, such as health care? Last time, they threw 787 billion dollars of taxpayer money into a plan that just did not work. Democrats are still going on about how President Bush was wrong about WMD's in Iraq, when both British and American intelligence told the president that there were in fact, WMD's, yet no one ever seems to mention the money we threw down the drain with the stimulus package, which is greater than the total amount we have spent on the Iraq War. And Obama has the nerve to call Republicans misleading on the topic of health care? You've got to be kidding me.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Like Alien Abductions Too

NEW YORK, UNITED STATES - DECEMBER 31:  Police...Image by Getty Images via Daylife

At the airport, I triggered the metal detector five times because I kept forgetting to take different stuff off. After the fifth time, the security dude got really frustrated and told me to step into this glass cage. That’s when I noticed the latex glove he was wearing. I knew why he was wearing that glove. He was going to probe my anus! I had never been so scared. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Some people are scared their plane’s going to crash. I’m afraid some dude’s going to probe my anus. And that’s why I don’t fly.
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Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Look at what I screen capped while watching this Tous Les Jours commercial!