At the airport, I triggered the metal detector five times because I kept forgetting to take different stuff off. After the fifth time, the security dude got really frustrated and told me to step into this glass cage. That’s when I noticed the latex glove he was wearing. I knew why he was wearing that glove. He was going to probe my anus! I had never been so scared. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Some people are scared their plane’s going to crash. I’m afraid some dude’s going to probe my anus. And that’s why I don’t fly.